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20 YEARS AFTER ITS RELEASE, I’M STILL AFRAID TO WATCH KIDS

When you’re depressed, you think about laying down a lot. Constantly, actually. Get close to a couch, and every part of your brain is suddenly convinced that everything would be better if you’d just sprawl out. That’s what ‘Kids’ did to me.

 
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AN ODE TO THE FINANCIAL DISTRICT, NYC’S MOST UNDERRATED NEIGHBORHOOD

Have you been to the Financial District lately?

 
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WHY BIKING IN NYC (STILL) SUCKS

In 2014, Bicycling Magazine named New York the country’s best city for biking. It makes a lot of sense. That year, 3,982 bikers were injured on the streets, and 20 were killed — almost double 2013, when a mere dozen died.

 
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IN DEFENSE OF NEW JERSEY, THE BEST “BAD” STATE IN THE COUNTRY

Let’s start with what you’ve heard: New Jersey is a coastal shitfield of garbage and hair gel that shields New York City from the rest of the country. Sound about right? You can admit it. It won’t hurt my feelings. I know that New Jersey is famous for grungy, over-industrialized highway corridors, loud people in expensive T-shirts, and a statewide prohibition on self-serve gas stations. The Garden State, as it’s optimistically called on postage stamps & license plates, is more colloquially referred to as “The Armpit of America,” and “JOISEY.” It’s a time-honored American tradition to take a steamy dump on New Jersey’s reputation/chest.

 
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AN ODE TO THE NEW YORK ROOFTOP

New York rooftop, you are everything. You are, simply, number one: the first kiss of summer. The first outdoor drink. That first moment I realize I’m too hot instead of too cold. You are the first day of the year that I chuckle at NYC’s bipolar climate; I share that chuckle with you.

 
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DON’T MOVE TO NEW YORK CITY

“If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.” Does this phrase stir youthful ambition in your chest? Then don’t move to New York City, because it’s a …