FUNNY
AMERICAN CHEESE IS BAD CHEESE: AN UNPOPULAR OPINION
It has come to my attention that many people enjoy cheeseburgers made with American cheese. I believe this is not only appalling, but also wrong. It is my conviction that American cheese is, if not The Worst Cheese for Cheeseburgers, a Very Bad one. Furthermore, if you believe otherwise, I consider you a craven, tasteless creature full of homogenized wretchedness and latent lactose shame.
THE BASIC BRO’S GUIDE TO FALL DATING
Hello, basic bros! It’s fall: the season of gourds shaped like dicks, and also cute-ass dates. To help you cultivate love during this amorous annual moment, we present you with this Basic Bro’s Guide to Fall Dating: a handy collection of tips, hacks, and ideas to get the very most rustic, cozy, pumpkin-spiced eroticism out of autumn as humanly possible.
‘BATTLE HYMN OF THE DIGITAL PUBLISHER': A MEDIA EPIC IN VERSE
Does the fruit hang low? / How’s it look re: SEO? / Can you roll it up into a list, / So harried readers get the gist? / Will the juice be worth the squeeze? / Can we templatize with ease? / If the partners want a taste, / Can we syndicate with haste?
AN ODE TO THE NEW YORK ROOFTOP
New York rooftop, you are everything. You are, simply, number one: the first kiss of summer. The first outdoor drink. That first moment I realize I’m too hot instead of too cold. You are the first day of the year that I chuckle at NYC’s bipolar climate; I share that chuckle with you.
THE 7 CIRCLES OF BRUNCH HELL
I love brunch. We love brunch. Combining breakfast and lunch into a cheesy, greasy, boozy weekend debauch is a brilliant idea, both in theory and in practice. This is an undeniable truth, and anyone who says otherwise is a largish fool. Lowercase-b brunch is heaven. But that’s not the only brunch there is.
