Sign Up for the Digest!

FUNNY

1520366

THE POLITICS OF SPLITTING THE CHECK ON A FIRST DATE

Earning money is hard. Dating is hard. Deciding when, how, and on whom to spend your money on a first date? Also hard, people!

 
1577197

HALLOWEEN IS A BUNCH OF WARMED-OVER DOGSHIT: AN OPINION

Fuck Halloween. Fuck it right in its jack-o’-lantern teeth. Let’s discuss.

 
tmg-article_main_wide-1

OBLIGATORY GROWN-UP PARTIES, RANKED BY HOW MUCH THEY SUCK

Grown-up parties can get pretty bleak, and these are the 13 bleakest of them all. We’ve ranked them for suckery from “nearly tolerable” to “dying cannot be worse than this,” just so you know what you’re up against.

 
tmg-slideshow_xl-3

AMERICAN CHEESE IS BAD CHEESE: AN UNPOPULAR OPINION

It has come to my attention that many people enjoy cheeseburgers made with American cheese. I believe this is not only appalling, but also wrong. It is my conviction that American cheese is, if not The Worst Cheese for Cheeseburgers, a Very Bad one. Furthermore, if you believe otherwise, I consider you a craven, tasteless creature full of homogenized wretchedness and latent lactose shame.

 
tmg-slideshow_xl

THE BASIC BRO’S GUIDE TO FALL DATING

Hello, basic bros! It’s fall: the season of gourds shaped like dicks, and also cute-ass dates. To help you cultivate love during this amorous annual moment, we present you with this Basic Bro’s Guide to Fall Dating: a handy collection of tips, hacks, and ideas to get the very most rustic, cozy, pumpkin-spiced eroticism out of autumn as humanly possible.

 
75606547639f8cca679ce34aa23e037d

‘BATTLE HYMN OF THE DIGITAL PUBLISHER': A MEDIA EPIC IN VERSE

Does the fruit hang low? / How’s it look re: SEO? / Can you roll it up into a list, / So harried readers get the gist? / Will the juice be worth the squeeze? / Can we templatize with ease? / If the partners want a taste, / Can we syndicate with haste?

 
tmg-slideshow_xl

OMG SARAH, DON’T YOU JUST LOVE FALL?!

Heyyy girl, what is UP? Feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! I’m sure your summer has been super-busy — I’ve been stalking you on Insta! You and Brian took like, all my bucket list trips this year! JELLY. Love, love, love it.

 
Screen Shot 2015-08-16 at 3.44.53 PM

AN ODE TO THE NEW YORK ROOFTOP

New York rooftop, you are everything. You are, simply, number one: the first kiss of summer. The first outdoor drink. That first moment I realize I’m too hot instead of too cold. You are the first day of the year that I chuckle at NYC’s bipolar climate; I share that chuckle with you.

 
tmg-slideshow_xl

THE 7 CIRCLES OF BRUNCH HELL

I love brunch. We love brunch. Combining breakfast and lunch into a cheesy, greasy, boozy weekend debauch is a brilliant idea, both in theory and in practice. This is an undeniable truth, and anyone who says otherwise is a largish fool. Lowercase-b brunch is heaven. But that’s not the only brunch there is.

 
tmg-slideshow_xl-3

A CROCK-POT DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE

One man’s low-and-slow descent into the heart of darkness.